The mirror in the room must be 'out of its mind' how on earth could this person am looking at not resemble me in any way? Could the idea that 'Life is too short' really be true? Oh God father in heaven I may not be the best person you want to be hearing from, like right now, but please since you are a merciful and a reasonable Father do take time in your busy schedule to listen to my plea, 'I have not been pleasing before you in the past, but if you give me my life back I will put it, in my things to do list, that I will live for you. If I may add onto this, if this is how I will look thirty years to come, please do take me after twenty nine years are over.'
I may not have style in this life but why on earth could I have such a nasty closet, are people in this world going insane with this type of fashion or am I out of touch with the world at large. I look out the window and what I see is an amazing sight, full of trees and beautiful flowers and oh! Behind it is a field. 'I'm not going to cry all the time nor shall I laugh all the time' in the words of Frank O'hara. I get you now Frank since not so long ago I was crying and now is laughing (Packer 34).
Has my name changed? Just then I notice I am not alone in the room that overlooked the pool 'oh that is so nice, my dream is coming true finally' dancing about the room, honey? Are you okay? Who is this imposter? I ask myself.... That is when reality comes in, is I in a relationship or may be a marriage? I need to catch my breath, I may even be a parent, GOD please take me back to my real life or at least give me a chance to grow into this life and realy enjoy my youth before am this 'honey' person.
Oh you gods, how I long for an end to this strains, in the words of AESCHYLUS. Please come back to bed, he says with his hoarse voice that almost makes me want to devour him, I do as ordered and immideatly the kissing begins, and bloody hell I feel intoxicated and my held starts to spin, is this love in the future? Am not convinced being in this time is wrong or you may correct me?
To me I write this massive and I specifically ask that it may get to me. If am able to wake up and find out that my life has passed in a blink of an eye then am forced to believe that this letter will reach me, the thirty years younger version of me(Embers, 40)..
'Dear me, am not going to sound too formal since am forced to believe that something is not right, or that finally karma is out for a revenge. I am still me but the funny thing is that the state I am in now I telling you to please start taking care of your self. I hate my body and am not sure if you saw you, that you would like what you see. We have a good life although the closet needs a makeover. Am not certain that you will get this letter but am sure as hell don't know what is up, if you do get this letter please do write back to me so that I can give you my address and if this is the reality well am not sure what I will do but I'll have to work through it (Embers, 110).
I have a question, are you still me? Or are you someone else in my body. I may not be certain of what is going on but if you are 'me in me' it may not make sense but something is definitely wrong with the balance of the world.
Are you still there? If you don't believe me because I know that I would not, please write to me any question you know no-one else can answer and then send it to me, or even better I will give you my phone number.
How is mum and dad doing, in this time they seem not be here with me, to give a hard time about the type of friends I hang out with but you want to the truth I would give up everything here just to come back to that stress.
Are we going for the holiday? Or have changed our plans, I really can't stand this uncertainty, who am I really please give me some hope that everything will be alright since my heart is aching for my real life. I can't stand this mystery of not being able to know what is happening to me.............
I wake up thinking something must be wrong or may be so right somewhere since this is the first time my sister hasn't come into my room to give a hard time about the right time to be up for breakfast, could the dream I just had about Lisa be true??
- George packer, facing unpleasant facts: narrative essays, publisher, 45-89. New YK:
- university press.
- Joseph Embers, Great narrative essays, 3-109, publisher Washington square press, 1968